Sonic the Hedgehog was descended from angels.

Haven’t you noticed how Sonic is pretty much undefeatable? You have a 0% chance of beating him, even if you’re freakin’ Chuck Norris.

This brings me to a conclusion — Sonic must have a guardian angel… No, he IS a guardian angel. Or at least his father was. What an angel was doing having sex with a hedgehog and getting her pregnant I have no idea, but unfortunately Sonic didn’t inherit the wings, so to substitute for being unable to fly he had to hire a two-tailed fox as a servant best friend to carry him around everywhere.

This theory explains a few things — how Sonic is immortal and never ages past the age he wants to be, for example.  He’s technically been 15 since 1991!

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About Skippy Electrochomp

Hello, I am Skippy Electrochomp, and I live in... Wait a second, why the hell do you want to know?
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9 Responses to Sonic the Hedgehog was descended from angels.

  1. A few Sonic jokes.
    —-
    At night, you know how the Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris?
    Chuck Norris checks his closet for Sonic.
    —-
    One time, Chuck Norris ran around the world and kicked himself in the back of the head. But one time, Sonic ran around Chuck Norris and kicked the world in the head.
    —-
    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
    But with Sonic, you could only be a millisecond away from death.
    —-
    I’d come up with more but I’m blanking out. Here, I’m not saying that Chuck Norris isn’t good. He’s epic. He’s the best we’ll ever get from this world. But Sonic’s someone from an entirely different galaxy of planets, maybe not even in the same dimension.

    • Raxz says:

      Most people pay to have sex with hookers. Hookers pay to have sex with Sonic.

    • Raxz says:

      Sonic checks his closet for Amy Rose.

    • When Chuck Norris plays chess, he doesnt say “Checkmate,” he says “Chuck Norris”. But before he can say that, Sonic has already kicked butt, defeated The Game, and ran the fuck away.

      Chuck Norris may be able to eat soup with a fork, but Sonic can eat soup by simply running past it, creating artificial gravity to make it float into his mouth.

      Once Chuck Norris went to Mc Donalds and had a pizza. But many times, Sonic went to Burger King and got 20 pizzas in under 2 seconds.

      The word ‘violence’ was created to summerize a day in the life of Chuck Norris. But the phrase “OH FUCK” was created by Robotnik when he realized Sonic was going to kick his ass.

      There is no backspace button on Chuck Norris’ keyboard. Chuck Norris never makes mistakes. But Sonic on the other hand doesn’t have a keyboard. He transmits the memory himself into the computer because a keyboard is too slow.

      They’re aint’ no good guys, they’re ain’t no bad guys. There’s just Chuck Norris and everyone else. That is, until Sonic arrived.

      Chuck Norris can turn diamonds into coal! But Sonic can turn diamonds into an infinite supply of natural power.

      Chuck Norris’s show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn’t run. You know why? Because Sonic doesn’t want him to.

      The largest unit of digital information is called Chuckbyte. But the fastest Internet connection type is Sonic.

      Chuck Norris found the end of Space. Unfortunately, Sonic found it a long time before Chuck Norris could even begin attempting to find it.

      Chuck Norris Can throw a 90mph fastball with his hands tied behind his back. But Sonic can throw a 9000kmps fastball without hands.

      Chuck Norris beat Van Halen in a guitar duel with a Ukelaylee. But Sonic can beat both of them without an instrument.

      And that is all I have to say.

  2. Raxz says:

    The Flash and Roadrunner combined their powers and Sonic still passed them with such extreme velocity that he made them look like they were standing still.

  3. Sonic the Hedgehog says:

    Sonic raced Santa Claus to deliver presents to all the kids in the world. He was fast enough to win two times over, and that’s with taking the extra time to deliver to Martian children!

    • Raxz says:

      wait

      did Sonic just make a Chuck Norris joke about himself?

      Congratulations my good sir, you have just earned +50 Arrogance Points! You can redeem them at the self-promoting one-liner counter.

  4. hookonsonic2 says:

    Quite the interesting discussion here. Allow me to join in.

    *clears throat*

    It has been rumored that the largest amount of data that can be processed by Chuck Norris is the Googolplex. Sonic ran a length of a Googolplex lightyears before Chuck Norris even got 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% done with the number.

    I know, that was lame. I’m not too good at this stuff.

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