Have you guys noticed that Sonic has never stopped to use a restroom?

I mean, it would appear that Sonic has never had to take a crap once since he was born.

How much DOES the Mobian bladder hold? Surely it’s about bursting after 19 years of use with no bathroom breaks? How the hell does he deal with the permanent constipation? Does he receive a bladder C-section in between games?

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How many hedges would a hedgehog hog if a hedgehog could hog hedges?

(Asked by Raxz)

I’m glad you asked. The answer is simple.

TOO MANY.

Sonic loves hedges.

Sonic loves hedges.

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What the hell is Sonic doing in that picture? Did he consent to having a screwdriver shoved up his ass?

(Asked by Skippy Electrochomp)

That’s a very good question.

It’s a well-known fact that Sonic characters are extremely prone to rape.  Chuck is one of millions who just couldn’t help himself.  He slipped Sonic some laughing gas and took pictures to make it look as if they somehow both enjoyed it.

Why wasn’t Chuck Thorndyke arrested for sex offense?  Because he’s the character of an anime.  That makes him immune to any kind of law enforcement, unless the story calls upon it.

Please note: Think twice before considering becoming an anime character, generally due to evil writers you’ll be tortured or depressed or put an extremely embarrassing situation in some way at some point, and also you’ll be stuck in a two-dimensional digital universe being replayed over and over again.  Not to mention you’ll have many fans constantly creepily fantasizing about you.  For all eternity.

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Site banner touched-up.

I have fixed the random coloring errors on the edges of the insides of the letters.  Although, this has left them looking a little…. eaten, like the letter O devoured the cookie monster and now he’s taking his revenge.

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What does Tails do when Sonic’s not around?

(Asked by Raxz)

Tails does many things when Sonic’s not there to watch him.
When Cosmo is around, he rapes Cosmo.
Tails rapes Cosmo

Another thing he does? Tails does have a bit of a habit of being a cross-dresser. Evidence here.

And when he isn’t doing either of those… well… He puts on huge round glasses, lightning bolt makeup on his forehead, and a wand, gets drunk and convinces himself his parents were killed by Lord Voldemort rather than being separated from him when he was a baby. This is explained in the following image.

Tails dresses up like Harry Potter.

Tails dresses up like Harry Potter.

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Why won’t Sonic and Amy get married?

You seriously asked that?

Seriously?

I have a multitude of reasons for you.

  1. Sonic isn’t a damn romance novel.
  2. “Sonic Rose” does NOT have very much of a ring to it at all.  (Sonic has no last name, merely a title, so the only option left is to use the woman’s last name.)
  3. Sonic can’t make contact with the wedding ring without simply absorbing it.
  4. Sonic would probably be an extremely irresponsible father.  I know marriage does not necessarily equal children, however, I can obviously tell Amy’s the kind of girl that would try to have at least twelve crappy fancharacters babies.
  5. Tails would go batshit insane and strap bombs to his chest before he let such a thing happen.
  6. Sonic is a man-whore. (Video proof coming… eventually.  No, not THAT kind of video proof.  Get your mind out of the gutter.)
  7. Sonic living with anybody is simply not happening.  He needs his alone time sleeping on the roof.
  8. Some marriages have problems with a husband beating his wife. This one would have problems with the wife beating her husband.
  9. Let’s face it, Sonic spends approximately 102% of his time saving the universe.  The wedding would probably be interrupted by some giant space-monster trying to devour the planet or some crazy stuff like that.
  10. And finally, it’s simply not meant to happen.  Sonic agreeing to such a thing would be whole worlds out of character, unless he was extremely mind-controlled, drunk, high and brain damaged, (Oh wait, he has no brain.) and he’s not turning 21 until Jun 23rd 2012 (God help us all when he does though, a drunken Sonic will be extremely dangerous…)
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